The weekend just gone, I decided to kick back and go on a day retreat.

In my mind, having a day away without an internet or phone signal, was my chance to   temporarily withdrawing from the world and recharge my batteries. The retreat house I opted for advertised a quiet and peaceful environment. I was convinced I’d leave with a spring in my step and on a spiritual high.


A couple of hours in, I learnt that the word ‘retreat’ has two very different meanings & I was ready to the heck outta there…!


I won’t go into the nitty gritty of why this place wasn’t for me. But in those few hours I learnt something about myself: firstly, I don’t need to go anywhere to turn my phone off and tune into the big man. I can also get my rest from taking five and listening to a bit of Hillsongs or Bethel. I get a buzz from church and being with my possy. Secondly, being tucked away in a cosy corner of the countryside isn’t for me. I realised I want to be in the thick of it, making a difference and I don’t want to take the cushy option. I’ll take the problematic and in need of work route!

The morning may have left me out of pocket but I learnt something about myself. Whilst it wasn’t the outcome I expected, when you’re doing life with God, it never normally is.

The [Christian] Princess Diaries

Unfortunately for me, my dreams of being a professional Princess went out the window years ago. Instead, my dream was replaced by an inkling that God was calling me to something equally as important, but different. Were my faith, life and work would be so inextricably linked, that I wouldn’t have enough time in the morning to select an appropriate tiara and dress combo, let alone perform my Princess-ly duties.


It was in my early teens that I started to hear the call. Being too young, I tucked the thought safely away, vowing I’d follow up when I was older and providing it was what God still wanted for me. Years later the niggle was still there and clearer than ever. Two words continuously plagued me: study Theology. That being said, God and I had a problem. That problem was 1. eighteen year old me and 2. my belligerent nature! Instead of investigating Theological courses, I started a game of Bulldog with God. Running in every and any direction to avoid His plan. 

In 2013, I trotted off to Greenwich University to study Midwifery after being an avid fan of Channel 4’s ‘One Born Every Minute’. Through UCAS, I had applied to five universities and was rejected, without even an interview, by four. In my heart of hearts I knew that Midwifery wasn’t for me, but after so much rejection and a process that had felt like wading through concrete, I didn’t want to appear to lose face. Needless to say, I didn’t even make it through the first semester.

A year later, I still hadn’t learnt my lesson and this time, I was heading off to Nottingham University to study Philosophy. Again, my heart was only half in it and still I went ahead. History repeated itself and before the semester was up, I was back home.

To cut a long story short, after years of false dawns and pushing against closed doors, I realised: the more I tried to run from what God wanted me to do, the more I ended up running into it.…

On December 11th 2016, I sent a slightly frantic and semi coherent email to the Young Vocations Champion in my area. Fast forward a couple of and I’m sitting in her office, like a rabbit in the headlights, discussing the ‘V’ word that makes most Christians stand to attention (or if you’re like me, run).

My stomach in knots and fully aware that I was perspiring more than what is socially acceptable. I very ineloquently, stumbled through and eventually arrived at the fact that I believe I could, possibly, ever so slightly, maybe have a Vocation.

I know this path isn’t going to be easy and it’s likely to be long. But I’m excited to see where it leads me.